My Homely Home - Part 1.

Today will be the first installment in a series of posts reviewing my apartment.

In order to make this apartment review interesting, I made sure six years ago to move into a quaint little basement apartment suite. Yeah, I like to think ahead. Enjoy.

 

This lovely character suite is located just off of Winnipeg’s charming “Little Italy”, Corydon Avenue.

If you stumble down the alluring back alley, past the dumpster and take a right into a skinnier, darker back alley, you’ll come up on the entrance to the suite. Now the first thing you’ll notice before entering the apartment is the creaky wooden outdoor stairwell you have to go down that just screams old world craftsmanship, and also rape. 

                                                      (Even the most discriminating of tastes will be enchanted by the
                                                      hand-built elegance of this beautiful wooden staircase, and the 
                                                      unmistakable sense of horrendous unlawful confinement that just 
                                                      emanates from this cellar.)

Before heading inside be sure to take a moment to appreciate the discarded old barbecue under the stairs. With it’s rusty exterior accented with bird feces, this Q is any collector’s dream. 

                                                               For sale: Near mint condition 1982 Broil King. Comes 
                                                               complete with moldy old tarp seen here and several 
                                                               dead mice(not pictured). No propane tank. I will also 
                                                               throw in a lightly used shovel and 15 foot length of rope.
                                                               Asking $2300 OBO. Call between 2-3a.m. ask for big Steve.

But enough about the yard, let’s head inside!

Don’t be alarmed when you try to open the screen door and find that it hits the ground, leaving only about 13 inches to squeeze through. That’s simply part of the ever-shifting foundation that makes this 100-year-old building such a treasure! The same goes for the wooden inside door. As a free little bonus these shifting doors act as great incentive to eat healthier and shed some of those unsightly pounds and inches in order to be able to enter your own home.

Once you’ve squeezed your way inside, you’ll find yourself in the kitchenette. Though a bit much at first glance, sprawling ten’s of cubic feet, it’s actually not so overwhelming once you get used to it.

Let’s start with the breakfast nook. It supports a FOUR-slot toaster, multiple boxes of cereal, and several bags of stale bread-ends with ease.

If you’re not already impressed with the Kitchen, the two and a half cupboards should pretty much seal it for you. When the “antique” doors aren’t sticking shut, you’ll see that these cupboards are spacious enough to allow even the most extravagant of 55-year-old divorcees to store upwards of a dozen aluminum cans of food, and enough dishes to prepare and serve a one course meal to themselves.

Before you go and prepare that mouth-watering and in no way sad meal by yourself, don’t be afraid to disarm the smoke detector, because the oven doesn’t mind putting on a bit of a smoke show pretty well any time you cook anything. You may think you’re only going to enjoy that No Name brand pizza pop tonight, but your nostrils will be soaking up that delicious smoky smell for days. 

Stay tuned for my next post when we venture into the hallway and living room where (SPOILER ALERT) a handful of goldfish, and also one betta fish, have met their untimely end.